From the satire desk /
Joseph Prevents Widespread Starvation in Egypt, Regulators Ticked
EGYPT — In a shocking turn of events, Joseph, the former slave, former prisoner, and current chief administrator of Egypt, has been fined for storing enough grain to feed the entire country and surrounding region, during a time of intense famine.
According to the Egypt Tribune, Joseph was up to something nefarious when stockpiling vast quantities of corn and other grains during times of plenty, in preparation for the famine that he had predicted years earlier. Joseph's correct interpretation of Pharoah's dreams, foresight and planning allowed Egypt to weather the famine without widespread starvation of men and their cattle.
But no, Trib journalists and regulators are not pleased.
The peasant class, by contrast, are overjoyed. Commenting on the abundance of grain, a peasant named Benjamin said, "We were starving. Our cattle were starving. Then Joseph comes along and he really saved our hides, even after what we did to him and his coat and all." Benjamin's brother Judah said, "But now, we have plenty to eat, and we don't have to worry about our father Jacob and everyone going hungry."
An anonymous government regulator claimed Joseph violated numerous accounting and reporting laws by hoarding the innumerable quantities of grain. "It would be better that some people starve, in order to maintain the facade of order," the regulator quipped.
As of now, it is unclear what the consequences of Joseph's actions. Some are calling for him to be imprisoned (again), while others are hailing him as a hero for his foresight and planning. Pharoah's wife could not be reached for comment.