From the Satire Desk /
KIRTLAND, OHIO — Joseph Smith, Jr., the founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, preemptively banned Russian vodka (ahem, in 1833) in a document that today is called the Word of Wisdom.
An excerpt follows:
4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—
5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
Satire are like puns, they sometimes offend people, but we hope you had a laugh.
Our hearts go out to the affected people – Ukranians and Russians alike, and anyone else in harms way during this Russian aggression.
Though the Word of Wisdom was revealed in 1833 (D&C 89) students of church history know the Word of Wisdom wasn't ratified as something all Saints were expected to adhere to until General Conference in 1851.
We're a pro LDS brand – we're "all in," as Elder Holland might say. But we're not affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.